'True' Friendship

Enough of that Sissy Crap!



Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems
That always sound good,
But never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises
That actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cutesy
Little smiley faces on this card -

Just the stone cold truth
Of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will
Help you get drunk and plot revenge
Against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will
Try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will
Know you are plotting something
That I must be involved in.  

4. When you are scared -- I will
Rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will
Tell you horrible stories about
How much worse it could be,
Until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will
Use little words.

7.When you are sick -- I will
Tell you to stay the hell away from me
Until you are well again.
I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will
Point and laugh at your clumsy ass.


This is my oath....
I pledge it to the end..
'Why?' you may ask.
'Because you're my friend!'


Friendship is like
Peeing your pants:
Everyone can see it,
But only you can
Feel the true warmth.