Later

            Grandfather came tonight. You know what that means: torture. No matter what, I can never get used to the pain I feel when I get beaten. Grandfather drags me to the dungeons and throws me on the floor as though I were a pillow. He gets out a whip and lashes me with it. It always feels as though he does this hundreds of time. Blood leaks from beneath my skin and drips onto the cold stone floors. Although I’ve become stronger than I was when I was a young boy, I can never stop yelling out or shed some tears from the pain.

            When Grandfather was finished with me for the night, he tossed me out of the cell. I collapsed on the frozen floor of the dungeon hallway like a scrap of trash. I was surprised to find Idri standing before me! As I breathed heavily, she fell to her knees, crying, “Sein! What happened to you?”

            When I didn’t answer, she frantically demanded, “Sein? Sein! Sein, please speak to me!”

            I choked out her name, but I couldn’t manage to say very much. I breathed, trying to calm myself.

            “You’re not dying, are you?” Idri inquired.

            I coughed. “No, Idri, I’m not.” As I gazed at her worried face, I breathed, “Idri, please promise me something. One thing.”

            “What is it?” she questioned.

            “Please, Idri…Please…Promise me that you’ll never betray or hurt me. Don't ever abandon me. Can you do that for me, Idri?”

            She gently touched the back of my right hand. “Sein, I promise you I can do that.”

            At an impulse, I grabbed Idri, giving her a fierce hug.

            “Idri, do you think of me as a burden of this world?”

            “No!” Idri sounded surprised. “Certainly not!” She drew back and looked into my eyes. In a softer voice, she asked, “Am I a burden to you?”

            “No,” I said firmly. “Never. I am grateful to have you to accept me, Idri. I never want you to betray me, ever."

            I held her in my arms for who knows how long. I felt some kind of warmth glowing inside me that I hadn’t felt for a very long time.

August 31

            All summer long, I’ve been spending time with Idri. She’s such an unbelievably wonderful person, not at all like anyone I’ve ever met. Even Yoki adores her. She’s so interesting; I love hearing about her human life; it makes me wish I could have a life like hers. But I didn’t like hearing how her guardians tried to marry her off, which caused her to run away. I feel so fortunate to meet her. There’s more liveliness to my life with her in it.

            I made a wish on my magic rose garden. I wish that instead of marrying Nulena, I would marry Idri. Hopefully Idri is returning my love, so that this wish will come true.

October 31

            I believe I’m falling in love with Idri. Although I’m marrying Nulena next year, I’d much rather marry Idri.

            We went to the Midnight Ball tonight. A few weeks ago, I had asked her to accompany me to the ball, and I was so glad that she accepted my invitation. I thought she was the most beautiful maiden at the ball tonight. She was dressed in a black gown, and wore my mother’s mask. Even Aunt Jevoura found her very pretty. She and I danced several times together. I love her, but I wonder if she cares for me more than just a friend. I’m too scared to confess my feelings to her. I can’t imagine what she would say if I told her I love her that way.

            When Idri fell asleep on my lap, she felt so warm. I want to comfort her for eternity.

April 11, the Year of the Dragon

            It’s my two-hundred-eleventh birthday today. I’ve been thinking…perhaps I should call off the engagement with Nulena. I wonder if she would agree to marry me. I’m so shy. I wish I could give her a kiss on the cheek, but I fear her reaction. I hope I can build up the courage to confess my feelings for her.

            In June, we shall leave the castle to go to Helerod Castle, where the wedding will take place. My little enchanted garden is starting to wither. I hope Idri returns my feelings.

April 3

            I am so upset. Just recently, Idri was in my bedchamber, sitting upon the floor. When I entered, she looked up at me. Jars were placed before her. I didn’t know what was in there until she stuttered at me, “You…You collect hearts…You’re a heart collector.”

            Never from the heart of my imagination could I have imagined Idri saying such a thing to me. My body shook, and my hands flew to my mouth. I hate being called a heart collector. I hate, hate, hate it. And what I hate most of all is to hear it from Idri. I was beginning to lose my mind.

            “S-Sein?” she stammered hesitatingly.

            “I…” I managed at first. My breath was heavy, and my anger was rising. “I…I…I am not a heart collector!”

            I lunged at the jars of hearts and grabbed as much as my arms could hold. I shoved open one window and hurled the jars out into the garden. I saw the glass jars shattered violently against the ground, the hearts skipping out of their prisons.

            I shot a glare at Idri. She looked shocked and frightened; part of my sanity was lost.

            “Idri, get out!” I yelled at her. My voice was so loud; it could’ve caused the castle to break down. “Get out of here! Leave me alone! Now!”

            As she fled out of my bedchamber, I savagely snatched more of those stupid jars with damned hearts and threw them out of the window. When the final jar exploded into shards on the ground, I realized that streams of burning tears scurried down my face. I wept and choked with sobs. I went out into the hallways to wander alone and go out into the gardens for fresh air. Thank goodness it’s daylight, or my cousins would torment me for crying. I sobbed out to my heart’s content. Why did Idri call me a heart collector? It’s not like her to say such a thing! Why?

Later

            I apologized to Idri about my behavior today before I went to sleep. I also told her the story that went with the music box, not revealing that the two lovers were my parents. She seemed intrigued with the story.

            “Sleep well, Idri,” I said before I left.

           In my heart, I know that Idri is the most precious person to me in the world. I wonder how she feels about me.

June 11

            I can’t believe it! I hate Typher! That bastard! I’m satisfied that I killed him. I don’t care if Cassus and Nulena are upset with me. I couldn’t care about anyone now!

            Idri had fallen for Typher. I had been oblivious about what had been going on with her all these months! Typher told Idri lies about me, such as the false statement that I’m a heart collector, and that I would murder her for her heart. Cassus told this to me in a light-hearted manner, which made me upset. He spilled the whole story; he said that he and Nulena were sick of my happiness, which was caused by Idri, so they had Typher to seduce her and eventually kill her. They decided it would be amusing to let Idri die, just to see me with a broken heart. In anger and despair, I chased after Idri and Typher, hoping that Idri was still alive. I followed their scent and found them in a forest. Without a thought, I killed Typher just before he was going to murder Idri, who had fainted. I carried her home in my arms. When I walked through town, I could feel the eyes of townspeople upon me, their stares swelling with dread. Both Nulena and Cassus are enraged that Typher is dead. I wish it was all just a dream. Sadly, it’s nothing more than just a blade-cold nightmare.

June 12

            I was sitting in a chair by Idri’s bed when she awoke. I looked up from my lap when I heard her murmur, “Am I dead? Am I moving on to my next life?”

            When she saw me, she sat up.

            “Sein!” she cried. “What happened?”

            “I saved you from that bastard, Typher,” I informed her in a grave voice.

            She excitedly threw her arms around me. “Oh, Sein! I’m so grateful for you! You are such a dear friend of mine!”

            I didn’t hug her back. I was too upset to do so. Idri pulled away from me and looked at my face.

            “Sein? What’s wrong?” she interrogated.

            I didn’t say anything. All I could do was to just stare at her.

            “Please tell me!” she pleaded. “What’s the matter, Sein? You’re scaring me. Sein?”

            “Idri,” I said in an upset voice, “you betrayed me.”

            “What?”

            “Typher was a bully to me all my life, along with Cassus. I can’t believe you fell for him.” I did my best to keep my voice calm and steady, but I was enraged. “You believed everything he told you. You fell under his wicked spells. I thought you loved me Idri. But I was wrong. I thought you were different from all the other people who couldn’t accept me. But no, you’re just like them; a complete disappointment.”

            I felt tears collecting in my eyes, but they didn’t come out; not yet. “I though you were my only hope to get me out of my betrothal to Nulena. It’s too late now. Tonight, my family and I are to leave this castle.”

            “But why?” Idri’s voice sounded as though she didn’t want me to leave, afraid she’d be cast aside and left all alone.

            "Because I am to wed Nulena." My head hung low now. I managed to choke out, "I could've married you." Without warning, I began to weep. I left Idri’s room, trying to hide my tears, even though she could see I was crying. I’m here in my room now, still weeping as I’m writing. Tears have fallen onto the pages, but I’m too sad to care.

Later

            I was sketching a still life of various objects on my desk in my sketchbook when Idri came to my bedchamber for a visit. I heard a knock on my door. Knowing that it was Idri, I told her to come in.

            The door softly squeaked open. I didn't look up from my sketchbook, not even when her footsteps gently patted upon the carpeted floor.

            "Sein."

            Idri's voice was quiet and remorseful. I looked up at her. I wonder if the expression on my face seemed too upset. I didn't want to intimidate her.

            "Sein…I…"

            I stared at Idri as she tried to find her words.

            "I want you to know that…I'm sorry about what I've done. Can you forgive me, Sein?"

            I averted my gaze to a window. The sky out there was blue, partially covered with obese clouds.

            "Too late," I said coldly. "You're too late, Idri. I'm leaving tonight."

            "D-Do you want me to help you pack?"

            I briskly shook my head. "No. Everything will be left here. The only things we take are what we need for the wedding. That's it."

            "Oh."

            I sighed. "Idri, please leave. I'd like to be left alone."

            "But-"

            "Go away, Idri. Go away. It's too late for you to do anything now. I'm going to marry Nulena."

            "But you don't love each other!" she cried.

            "True. But we're in a damned arranged marriage. It's our family's will."

            "But you have your own will!"

            I turned my back on her. "I don't care to listen to you now, Idri. Would you please be polite and leave?"

            Oh no. I didn't mean to say those words. I really didn't! They just popped out of me without a thought to allow me to approve them. I wanted to tell Idri I'm sorry for sounding so rude. I tried, but I couldn't find the tongue to say it.

            Before I knew it, Idri had closed the door behind her when she exited the room. I didn't even see her go. I thought I heard her crying.

Later

            My conversation with Idri had disturbed Yoki's sleep. Hanging upside down from his rod, he yawned and demanded, half-sleeping, "What just happened, Sein?"

            "Idri just visited," I informed him.

            "She wants you to forgive her, does she?"

            "Yes."

            "Well, will you?"

            I glanced at Yoki. His black, beady eyes were yearning for an answer.

            "I'm not ready to forgive her now," I answered. "I know I will, one day."

            "And when will that be?" Yoki demanded sarcastically. "When she's an old, shriveled, dried-up crone?"

            "Yoki!" I snapped. "I'm in no mood for sarcasm!"

            "Heh, I couldn't resist saying that," Yoki chuckled. He glanced at the little enchanted garden on my desk. "Sein, the roses are wilting."

            Inside the small glass globe, the garden was drying up, gradually turning brown. I watched a few rose petals plummeting to their death on the ground, decaying.

            "Sein, you still have a chance with Idri!" Yoki looked excited. "She's still head over heels for you, and you love her!"

            "No," I softly responded.

            "What? What do you mean, no?"

            "I'm leaving tonight. Idri can't come along."

            "But you can't desert her here!" Yoki protested. "What's she going to do, all alone in this giant, hulking castle?"

            I met his eyes, a twisted, dry smile on my face. "You'll stay here."

            "Me? I'm staying here?"

            "Yes. Please watch over Idri for me."

            Yoki was quiet for a minute. But then, he smiled. "Alright. I'll do just that."

            As I write this, the sun is setting. The sky is a hue of vivacious flames, fading to black as it reaches higher in the sky. Soon, everyone will wake up and leave for Helerod Castle. It's nearly a couple hundred miles from Bormaunt. We'll stay there until the wedding is over. Look on the bright side, Sein. Grandfather won't beat you anymore, because your wedding will be on the eighth of July. Then, you'll be a pure-blooded vampire.

            That thought makes me want to cry. Become a pure-blooded vampire? Bid farewell to the sun forever? Drink blood every night? Sleep in a coffin? Why can't anyone accept me as a dhampir? It's who I am! I can't help it if I’m born half-human and half-vampire! I never even asked to be one! Why? Why? WHY???

Later

            I just went to Idri's bedchamber. She was lying in bed, awake. When I entered, I softly smiled at her. I didn't want to seem upset. Idri looked nervous, yet relieved to see me.

            "Hello, Sein."

            "I just came to say good night, Idri," I proclaimed.

            I sat on her bed, my feet on the floor. I looked at her, gently commanding, "Lie down."

            She obeyed and looked at me. She seemed curious, and perhaps a bit suspicious of what I had in mind. I lightly placed my right hand over her eyes, automatically putting her into deep slumber.

            "What did you do to her?" demanded Yoki. The expression on his face seemed a bit upset.

            "I only put her to sleep. It's a power of vampires I inherited." I walked out of the room. "Yoki, please take good care of her."

            Yoki nodded solemnly. "I swear upon my wings that I will take care of her while you're gone."

            I smiled a small smile. "Thank you. Good bye, Yoki."

            When I reach Helerod, I will spend as much time as I can under the sun. I'll say a proper farewell to my dhampir life. I'll try my best to be happy everyday before I marry Nulena. This is my last entry until I return to Bormaunt as a vampire. I'll leave you here, right on my desk. Good bye for now, dear diary.