Pain, nothing but pain. Through everything, body, mind, and spirit; nothing was left untouched by pain. When the first blinding seconds of pain subsided more sensations followed, confusion, desperation, but most of all emptiness. One half was gone, a new sensation arose suddenly, deep sadness. Where was she? Where? Where could she have gone? Looking around, searching for her, calling out for her; then finally seeing a figure in the distance. There she is! Her face and presence was familiar but the details were obscured. Reaching out only to have her slip away, taken away by force. Screaming, yelling for her to come back so that they could be complete again. Then sinking, fading into nothing...


Jasmine woke up almost in a panic. She was breathing hard and she felt her heart beating rapidly. She looked around only to see her cluttered dorm room, "It was just a dream," she thought to herself.
She laid back into her empty bed and as the initial shock subsided and she was able to think clearly. "A dream." she said again, her eyes stilled closed, and placed a hand over her eyes to realize that she had been crying. She wiped whatever tears were left and opened her eyes to the soft morning light seeping through her window. Jasmine felt that the dream was familiar but couldn't remember if she had the dream before or if it was just a familiar feeling. She finally looked over to her clock to see that it was barely 6am. She sighed and rolled over hoping to catch some more sleep before she had to get up for class. But as she laid there she couldn't stop thinking of how bad the dream affected her, she could still feel her chest squeezing.

The alarm clock sounded but Jasmine was already up. She couldn't fall back asleep and ended up just laying in bed dreading the day ahead. Her thoughts had turned from her dream to her best friend, Naomi. Naomi was tall with short chestnut brown hair and deep blue-green eyes that were absolutely beautiful. She was very attractive and had a wonderfully warming personality that Jasmine had always been drawn to. She sighed and wondered what Nay was doing right now. She grinned and remembered that Nay wasn't even awake yet; she wasn't going to be for a few hours. Jasmine knew Friday was Nay's day off and she would sleep in and only get up right before lunch. Jasmine finally got out of bed and started to get ready for class. She stepped into the shower and thought back to Nay, she had suddenly remembered that Nay had a date last night. Unease settled in the pit of her stomach as she wondered what happened last night. Her stomach twisted as she imagined Nay with another girl, again. She tried to shake it off and finish getting ready for class.

During class Jasmine couldn't concentrate and ended up not paying attention throughout the entire class period. After class Jasmine wandered over to the student center to hang out with her friends and relax for the rest of the day. She felt better as she talked and laughed with her friends and almost forgot all of her worries. But Nay's sudden arrival reminded her of her earlier dread. She got up and walked over to greet Nay with a smile on her face.

"Well?" she said, the smile still planted on her face.

" Well, what?" Nay responded playfully.

Jasmine gave her a face to display that she didn't want to be played with at that moment. "You know what I mean Nay. How did things go last night?"
Nay gave one if her lighthearted shrugs, "It went well..." Nay stopped short clearly seeing that Jasmine was getting more agitated as Nay danced around the answer. Jasmine then grabbed Nay's wrist and headed towards a secluded part of the building so they could talk. Jasmine was determined to get an answer out of Nay, even though she knew she was not going to like the answer. She just had to know. She stopped and turned towards Nay trying to prepare herself for what she knew was coming.

"What happened last night?" she said stronger than before.

Nay didn't answer right away and seemed to fidget in place, like a child that knew they had done something bad. She had a look of guilt written over her face and Jasmine knew for sure what she imagined was right. Jasmine could usually read right through Nay and knew when she was lying by the way Nay held herself. Sometimes she wished that she couldn't read Nay so well, so that she wouldn't know what was coming for once. Her stomach started turning again as she watched Nay sigh and answer her question,

"What do you want me to say?" she said softly.

Jasmine closed her eyes and felt her chest squeeze a little, "Damn it Nay" she said gruffly. When she opened her eyes she saw that Nay looked angry,
"Look, I didn't mean for it to happen okay! It just..." she stopped suddenly and gave a frustrated sigh. Looking defeated she unclenched her hands and started running her fingers through her hair. Nay always did this whenever she gave up on an argument.

"It just happened." She said and slumped against the wall. Nay didn't say anything more and stood staring at the floor. Jasmine looked over at Nay and softened, her chest squeezed again, she never liked seeing Nay upset. Jasmine sighed and approached Nay, but Nay refused to look at her. Jasmine reached up and gently placed her hand on Nay's, forcing Nay to look at her,

" I'm sorry but I just want you to meet someone that you truly care about, not just another one night stand" she said as earnestly as she could looking into Nay's eyes.

Nay looked at her and nodded, "I know but I just don't know if I'll ever fall in love with someone."

Jasmine smiled at her,"Sure you will. One day you'll meet the right girl, I know it."

She tried to say without showing her own pain. Nay smiled back at her and gave her a hug,
"Thanks, you're always trying to take care of me. Hey, why don't we get something from the cafeteria?"
Jasmine broke the embrace and nodded, "Sure. Why don't you go on ahead and I'll be there in a minute, I need to make a phone call." She lied with a smile.

Nay smiled again and headed off towards the lunchroom. As soon as Nay left Jasmine leaned against the wall and covered her face. She slid to the floor and fought back tears that threatened to overcome her. She sat there on the floor quietly mumbling, "Damn you Nay...damn you."

After she got herself together she went to the cafeteria to spot Nay sitting with one of their friends, Mike. She stood for a second staring at her laughing and talking with him, and could see that she had changed moods from earlier. Nay suddenly looked up and spotted Jasmine standing in the middle of the cafeteria and waved at her. Jasmine gave a small wave back, went to get her food and walked over to their table.

"Hey Jaz, what's up? Mike greeted her with a smile.

Jasmine smiled back, "Nothing much. What about you?"

Mike gave a shrug as a response and continued his meal. Nay gave her a warm smile as she finished what was on her plate. Nay got up and crossed the cafeteria to refill her drink. Jasmine looked after her and sighed.

"Why don't you ask her out?" Jasmine jumped, she had been so deep in her own thoughts that she had almost forgotten that Mike was there. She looked at him and then looked to see where Nay was before she answered, "What do you mean?"

Mike ignored her failed attempt at innocence, "I know you're in love with her."
Jasmine sat still staring at him; she could feel her chest squeezing as she took in what he had said. She didn't know how to respond but finally she was able to speak again, "How did you know?" she asked softly and nervously.

Mike opened his mouth to respond but his eyes wandered behind Jasmine so he said quickly, "Later."

Jasmine turned to see what he was looking at and saw Nay coming back with a new drink and small bowl of ice cream. She sat down and happily started her ice cream then looked at Jasmine. She stopped with the spoon in her mouth and took it out, "What's wrong Jaz? You look kinda pale."

Jasmine snapped out of her thoughts and managed a smile, "Hmm. Oh nothing, just thinking" she tried to say convincingly.

Nay looked at her for a second but decided not to push the matter. For the rest of lunch Jasmine simply stared at her food and barely picked at it, which garnered a worried stare from Nay. She was uncomfortable at how Mike figured out her feelings towards Nay and was upset with him for bringing it up.

After lunch all three of them went back into the main area of the student center to sit and socialize with their friends. After a minute Mike took Jasmine aside to talk to her alone.

"How did you know?" Jasmine repeated to Mike.

Mike looked at her with a soft smile on his face, "Well, everything. The way that you treat her, act around her, and how you look at her. I can tell that you look at her differently than everyone else and you treat her with more care than I've seen you treat anyone."

She looked at him with a shocked look on her face and was surprised at how he was able to read her like she read Nay. "Does anyone else know?"

Mike shrugged, "I'm not sure, maybe. But if they did they wouldn't say anything. So why don't you ask her out?"

Jasmine looked at him and shook her head, "I can't, she doesn't love me, I know she doesn't, " she said miserably.

She sunk to the floor again and gave a huge sigh, this time without any tears. She thought of Nay and her chest squeezed again. She knew she had fallen for Nay a while back but she had never told anyone of this fact. She had been afraid to say anything, afraid of being rejected and losing the friendship that they had built over their time at college. Her biggest hold was the fear that Nay didn't feel anything for her and that she would become just one of the girls that she slept with but never had any serious attachment to.

"You're afraid that she would reject you right?" Mike asked as he slid down to sit next to her. She said nothing and nodded her head instead.

"I'm sure she wouldn't do that to you, she cares for you."

Jasmine shook her head, "I don't know if she really cares for anyone. But that doesn't matter since I'm not going to tell her."

Mike gave her a look and was about to speak when Jasmine stopped him,
"I'm not going to ruin the friendship we have over anything like this. I would rather stay close to her as her friend than risk it and lose her. I'm happy enough being her best friend." She signaled the end of the discussion by standing up and returning to the rest of her friends. Mike jumped up and grabbed her hand,
"Jaz please just listen a second."

Jasmine stopped in her tracks and slowly turned back to face him but said nothing. Mike continued,
"I know you're scared to say anything but you need to tell her. It's going to hurt you worse not telling her and losing her for good than taking a chance and possibly getting what you want. Even if she rejects you I think that she would still want to be your friend."

Jasmine shook her head, "It wouldn't work, if she rejected me I don't think I could be around her anymore and we would never be this close again."

Jasmine could feel herself about to cry again, "She would never choose me anyway, she could choose any girl that she wanted. It's better to stay the way we are now."

Jasmine turned again and headed for the main area of the student center where she saw Nay lounging with the others. Jasmine just stood and stared at Nay for a minute and thought about her situation. She knew she was in love with her and wanted to be with her more than anything. She shook her head and thought that there was no way that she could compete with the girls that Nay could choose from. "I'm not that special and Nay would only ever see me as a friend and nothing more." She sighed again, regained her composure and walked over to sit net to Nay.

Nay smiled, "Hey! What were you and Mike talking about? You were gone for a good while."

Jasmine gave a soft smile, "Nothing special, Mike is having some trouble with his girlfriend and wanted some advice."

She lied, but this was not a complete lie since Mike was indeed having girlfriend trouble at the moment. Nay nodded buying the lie, "Oh? Sorry to hear that, I thought that they were over their problems for right now."

They both gave sad smiles knowing that Mike's relationship was going to end sometime in the near future; the sad thing was that Mike thought that things were going well.

Jasmine shook her head, "Mike is really good at picking out other people's problems but he never seems to pick up on his own problems."

Nay nodded in agreement, "Yeah I know what you mean, I can be the same way sometimes. A lot of people say that I can be very oblivious when it comes to my situations."
Jasmine just smiled and thought, "You have no idea."

A short while later Jasmine returned to her dorm room and started on some of her work. She hated writing papers but she knew if she wanted free time later that if would be best to start writing as soon as possible. After a few hours in front of her computer she saved her files and closed them. She rubbed her eyes and slowly started to stretch. All the muscles in her shoulders were tense and the soreness traveled up her neck. She looked over at her clock and it read 9pm. She thought about lying down to help her sore muscles but did want to lie in bed and do nothing, plus she was nowhere near tired yet. After a minute she decided to have a hot bath to sooth her muscles. She ran her bath and got in. She could see the steam rising off the water and felt the warmth cover her body. She let herself sit and relax before lying down in the tub completely. Her ears were submerged under the water and she could hear her steady heartbeat as she lay there. For a minute she thought of nothing and just enjoyed the heat of the water working on her muscles. She felt that she could fall asleep in the water's warm embrace but she opened her eyes to make sure she didn't actually fall asleep. She sighed and her mind began to wander and it quickly rested on the bad feeling in the bottom of her stomach.

"Nay" she thought miserably. The thought made her chest squeeze, "I love you," she said softly to the ceiling. With her eyes closed she thought to herself,

"Why? Why can't I talk to her?" she gave a frustrated sigh, "Because...because she might reject me...because she might use me...because she would be happier with someone else." She sank lower into the tub, "As long as she's happy then I will be fine. I can remain her friend and support her as long as she is happy. But is she happy, really?...No." Jasmine opened her eyes, "No, she isn't happy" she realized, "she hasn't been for a long time. I could make her happy." The thought surprised her. She sat up and thought about it, "I could make her happy. I want to make her happy." She sat still for a moment, "I need to tell her," she concluded.

Just as Jasmine was getting out of her bath she heard her cell phone ring. She picked it up before she looked at caller ID, "Hello?" she answered.

She was surprised to hear Nay's voice on the other end, "Hey Jaz! I was just calling to see if you wanted to hang out and maybe watch a movie."

Jasmine looked at her clock and it read almost 10:30pm, "Umm I guess if you want to." She thought for a second, "You could come over to my place if you want since my roommate isn't here." Her chest tightened as she heard the answer. "Sure, just give me a few minutes to grab some stuff and get over there."Jasmine smiled as she hung up and hurriedly got ready for Nay's arrival.

Nay knocked on her door soon after and was ushered into Jasmine's bedroom since it had her TV. Nay popped in one Jasmine's favorite movies, The Fifth Element. They watched in silence sitting next to each other on Jasmine's bed. Jasmine could feel her heartbeat pounding in her chest as she leaned on Nay. Nay naturally adjusted to Jasmine and held her. One of the things that Jasmine truly liked about Nay is that she never questioned her, she simply accepted. After the movie the two just stayed as they were for a minute, enjoying each other's company. Nay was the one to break the trance as she got up to take out the movie, "I've always loved this movie." Jasmine smiled and nodded, "Me too," she said a little distantly. Nay looked over to see Jasmine lost in her own thoughts and worries, "You okay Jaz?" Jasmine looked up at Nay but didn't answer for a minute, finally she said, "I will be, don't worry."

Nay looked concerned and sat back down next to Jasmine,
"Are you really okay Jaz? You've been like this all day and I've been worried about you. I want you to tell me what's wrong."

Jasmine shook her head, "Don't worry I'm okay really. I've just been thinking a lot lately, that's all." Jasmine reached over and took Nay's hand to reassure her that she was going to be okay. Nay looked into her eyes for a minute then looked at the hand that held hers. She gently took Jasmine's hand and placed a light kiss on it. Jasmine blushed and could feel her heart start to race as Nay looked into her eyes again, "Okay, as long as you're okay." Nay threw her arm around Jasmine and held her in a warm embrace, still holding her hand. Jasmine savored the feeling of Nay's arms around her and loved how accepting it was. Love; she needed to tell Nay, she knew that she had say something to her but she didn't know how to start.

"Hey Jaz," The sound of Nay's voice startled her and she looked up at her, "I think I need to talk to you."

Jasmine simply looked at her, "Yeah," she said softly.

Nay looked uncomfortable, "I need to tell you something and I hope that it doesn't upset you."

Jasmine didn't break her gaze, "Okay," she said as softly as before.

Nay took a deep breath, "I...I think I'm in love."

Jasmine felt dumbfounded, this was the last thing she expected. She remained silent as Nay continued, "I'm not sure when the feeling started but I'm sure that I'm in love. There's this girl and whenever I'm with this her I feel good and just being around her brightens my day."

Jasmine felt her chest tighten as Nay paused and went on, "She's a wonderful person. She's funny, kind, smart, and so sweet. She's also really pretty and has the most brilliant eyes."

Jasmine felt horrible as Nay described the girl she was in love with. Nay looked like she was almost in tears as she confessed her true feelings for this girl.
Jasmine felt like the world was taken from underneath her. She felt pain in her chest when she thought that she had lost Nay to another and this time for good. She felt like she would cry at any moment but she steadied herself, "So who is this lucky girl" she tried to put on a smile.

Nay looked at her and squeezed her hand, "It's you," she said gently. Jasmine sat still for a moment taking in what Nay had just said, "Me?" she asked stunned. Nay nodded, "Would you be able to accept me?" she asked nervously. Jasmine smiled and hugged Nay fiercely, "Yes, yes I accept you." When she pulled back she saw tears in Nay's eyes to match her own.

Jasmine and Nay lay in Jasmine bed and simply held each other. Both of them were happy to have found their feelings returned. Soon they drifted to sleep in each other's embrace. Jasmine was so happy that it almost felt like a dream; and so she dreamt that night...

She looked around the empty space to find what she was looking for. She reached out and this time a hand took her outstretched one. She found her. All of her pain vanished and the feelings before were replaced by love, comfort and serenity. Warmth covered her and she finally felt at peace. The search was finally over; she was complete once again.